You made your bed . . . Now sleep in it . . . Or at least try!

By Traci Rork
Miss Informed

(6.18.09)

Clean sheets, fluffed pillows, a slight breeze and silence.

I’ll be the first to admit that there’s nothing better than preparing for and executing a luxurious night of restful slumber.

“There is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night’s sleep” - Edgar Watson Howe said.

Not a lackadaisical lounge on the couch or a cat-nap with the radio on, but the well-planned and uninterrupted hibernation that we all need and deserve. (Provided our crazy dreams don’t get in the way).

So why is it that for some reason, there are a million things in the world that disrupt this privilege? Snoring, roosters, upstairs neighbors playing high heeled relays, trash men, and that’s just to name a few. Oh how annoying each one is individually, and collectively, they could push a sane person over the edge.

The worst would have to be snoring. The loud, annoying proof that someone within earshot is obviously asleep. Women have resorted to holding their husband’s noses shut, making them wear mouth guards or driving a good old fashioned knee to the back - whatever works. But generally the window of quiet opportunity closes quickly, so hurry and doze off before the roosters start.

And even more annoying than a rooster crowing, is a rooster who sucks at crowing. That’s what I like to call a “cock-a-doodle-don’t”. Let’s just say that not everybody should be allowed to welcome the rising sun, but that doesn’t stop the garbage men does it? While I appreciate their service greatly, why was it decided that 5 a.m. was the most opportune time to shake huge metal bins filled with thousands of glass bottles up and down the street? I’m sure there’s a logical reason, I just find it a bit inconvenient, that’s all.

Now every once and awhile, we all have to take the blame for psyching ourselves out to the point of alertness, thus sabotaging our chance at a sleeping oasis.

Either you’re leaving on trip the next day, you have a big test or a job interview, whatever the case, nights prior to these events are often sleepless. You’re too excited. You can’t stop running through your mental ‘to do’ list and keep checking the clock and doing the math to see how many hours of sleep you’ll get if you fell asleep right now! Forget about it - our active minds ruin any chance of sleep for our tired bodies and we’re left helpless.

It seems that when we need sleep the most, that’s when we’re unable to grasp any because the pressure is on. And then of course, when the pressure is on and we’re required to tackle other necessary obligations, we’re extremely exhausted and can barely keep our eyes open. It’s a double edged sword - can’t sleep when you’re supposed to, can’t help sleeping when you’re not.

And don’t you just love it when you finally fall asleep but you spend the entire night slinking through dark, musty alleys hiding from ninjas that want your sword, which turns into a butter knife before flying away as a butterfly? Yeah - crazy, random, intense dreams that drain your strength, waste your energy, and make you question your mental health - especially if you dare to share them out loud.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this, but no matter how excited you are to tell someone about a dream you had about them, they’ll never care half as much as you do about it. Sure, they may be flattered that you thought of them in a subconscious state, but it always comes out sounding like a crazy acid trip braided with reality that unravels the second you start re-telling it. So keep a dream journal if you wish, but don’t necessarily feel compelled to keep everyone posted when they have a cameo in one of your demented dreams. “You were you, but then you turned into LC from the Hills and I was mad at you because you slept with Sam who was staying with me in Vegas, but I think it was California because there was a beach with a water slide and ….”. You’ve lost me. . . Just stop.

Now Lucid Dreaming is an interesting topic I learned about in a psychology class and studied profusely. However I failed miserably at actually becoming the puppeteer of my own imagination. It’s just not an easy feat to lasso our minds and force places and faces to make sense. That’s just not the way it works. You wait all day to go to sleep and then gamble with the subject matter every night.…sometimes resting can be exhausting.

So relish the times you‘re able to clutch on to 8 hours of restful slumber, and if you want to be a good tourist and help a local sleep… take a rooster home with you.

To further inform Miss Informed, please e-mail trork@keysnews.com.