By Traci Rork
Miss Informed
(4.16.09)
My recent observation should come as no surprise: Little (if any) preparation is needed to get ready for a night out in Key West. We are a casual, beachy village with a very lax dress code at even the finest of establishments. A tropical island whose stores have signs boasting: No shoes, no shirt, no problem.
Well sorry guys, I beg to differ.
Not completely of course, as there are plenty of activities and venues where nothing more than a swimming suit is required. Plus, I’m well aware of the fact that many nights out begin at happy hour, lunch, or even breakfast with mimosas. Many people, including yours truly, have coasted through the day and into the night without a thought or a care about what to wear. The “come as you are” mentality of the Florida Keys is a charming sentiment and a comfortable notion. However, I think a few of us have perhaps gotten just a little too comfortable with that notion.
What do you call a Key Wester in a tie? The defendant. Now that has been a long-standing joke and many take pride in this town‘s rustic reputation. Many locals make a living working on fishing boats, dive boats, and jet skies under the Florida sun. Many work nights closing down restaurants and bars and a nightcap is a means of maintaining ones sanity rather than social life. I get that.
But I don’t think it would hurt if the men in this town tried to step it up a notch while heading out to catch a band or grab a beer. You can save the suits and ties for weddings, court, and Christmas parties, but a little bit of effort made on occasion certainly couldn‘t hurt your chances of landing a sexy lady.
Friday night a group of girls and I couldn’t help but notice that there wasn’t a single guy in the bar that we didn’t want to hose off and scrub with a brillo pad. We had swapped dresses, put on make-up and perfume and marched into a sweaty cluster of grimy and grisly men. I understand that your worn out T-shirts and sweat-stained hats are comfortable and obviously reliable, but come on guys! It’s just as easy to wash your hair and pull a collared shirt over your head, right? And with the summer heat sizzling more and more each day, how can you stand those straggly beards?
Now before you go getting your granola ready to throw at me, understand that I‘m not suggesting we march around in gaudy, glamorous, get-ups. This isn’t about being superficial and showing off the latest brand names - that’s mainly why I left Dallas. But come on ~ do you really need to rush off to the Parrot without brushing your teeth? The island is 4 by 2 miles wide . . . you can’t live too far away from where you‘ve been and where you‘re headed. Can’t you make it to the shower before hitting the streets? And don’t say that you can’t afford a few nice shirts and shorts . . . Ross is no secret. Perhaps you could opt to stay in a few nights and get a new wardrobe from what you save on your bar tabs.
Before I incriminate all of the men in this town as fashion failures, there are plenty out there who should be commend on their daily effort to look dapper. Most are older, gay or tourists, but a there are a few guys my age who take enough pride in themselves to peel their paint stained pants off before going public. And since I’ve already claimed one of these hunks as my own, I just want to make sure there are others out there for my hot single lady friends to snatch up.
Just because we’re famous for Sloppy Joe’s bar doesn’t mean we need a bunch of sloppy Joe’s strutting around this town. I know it’s hot out and many choose function over fashion, but it doesn’t have to be an either/or scenario. We need Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to come turn this town around and replace fishing shirts with button downs and ripped pants with at least something clean and presentable. Nothing too dramatic, just slight adjustments that can make a serious difference.
As the saying goes, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Well, luckily for those of us living in itsy bitsy Key West, you get multiple chances to make plenty of impressions, just don't keep making the same one - especially if it's not a good one!
I’m merely suggesting that if you want to make an impressive impression, brush your teeth, handle your hygiene, and at the very least and for God’s sake - burn your overalls.
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