9.24.10
Miss Informed
By Traci Rork
Right about now, the rest of the country is wrapped up in football season with plenty of snuggly blankets, socks and homemade chili to warm their souls. The leaves have changed along with the weather, and fall once again has fallen right into place.... too bad that's not the case for us island folks.
Nope, we're still being greeted with smoking hot air that fogs up our glasses anytime we set foot into the sauna that is our world.
The heat is responsible for many unfortunate calamities such as, but certainly not limited to: sweaty upper lip syndrome, free-flowing forehead drip, raccoon eyes, and boob sweat ~ which is why so many women awkwardly have their arms crossed. Not to mention the ever-popular ring around the armpit and man's worst enemy ~ chaffage.
Well my friends, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but this is the downside of living in paradise. We chose the tropics, and thus we're prisoners to perspiration... but at least we are in this together!
So yeah, it's safe to say that I'm hot, bothered and more than ready to stop swatting at mosquitoes and sweating in the sun. I'm getting 3rd degree burns from my car seat for God's sake and I'm sick and tired of showing up everywhere looking like I just crawled my way out of Shawshank Redemption.
Leaving the AC for even a moment is a dreadful endeavor and has actually driven me to drink, lie and steal. I've strolled into a store and lied about not looking for anything in particular when I know exactly what I'm looking for....cold air. And if there's a chance I can have an ice cold beer while waiting for my body temp to quit boiling, even better.
These little oases of comfort are win-win situations for all parties involved. We get relief and business owners get a few customers during the slowest season of the year. So, feel free to be an air conditioning squatter, but it’s in good form to make a purchase while you're present, or at the very least, pleasant conversation.
This also applies during one of our sporadic thunderstorms. It's a catch-22 because while they do temporarily cool down the island and water our wilting flowers, they seem to have no mercy on my schedule. While it is possible to outrun the rain on your bike it is definitely a rarity for sure.
Our beautiful blue skies have the tendency to open up and spew tidal waves of rain at random times throughout the summer, always managing to find the 15 minute window of opportunity when I decide to change locations. Of course, when you actually wish/hope/pray for rain…..it's nothing but clear skies and butterflies.
Case in point:
As if an iguana taking a colossal dump on my windshield wasn't gross enough….the 90 degree temperatures sufficiently helped to bake the mistake firmly onto the glass in front of my face. After a long day at the office, the last thing you want to do is deal with a "shit-suation". Where's the rain now, huh?!
My windshield wipers were no match for this mess, so I had the pleasure of driving home with my head out the window cursing the demonic dragon that had done this to me.
While people always tell me how lucky and smart I am for choosing to make a tropical island my home, I will agree most of the time, but not at the moment. I'm currently wrapping up a September slump and I want to be where the trees and the seasons are changing.
Of course I am all out of vacation days, I couldn't afford to take one if I wasn't, and I've had it with sweating more than Fred Phelps at a gay wedding.
Plus, it probably doesn't help that in a mere matter of days, I will be leaving my 20's behind....but I digress.
I just have to remind myself that when I migrated from Kansas to Key West a mere 6 years ago (in September no less), the heat brought sweet relief and comfort was only an ocean or pool away.
I may be a bit jaded at the moment but at one point in time, all of these annoyances were equally as endearing to me. Everything but the iguana crap ~ that's something I'll never get used to (although I did find a new use for my ice scraper)!
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