Keep it classy Key West ~ We’ve got a rep to protect

By Traci Rork
Miss Informed

(4.23.09)

Last week’s column about raising the bar before going to the bar generated a lot of response from the men out there.

Men who shower, shave, own sport coats and make a conscious decision to represent themselves respectfully spoke up to set the record straight.

Some sent in sassy photos of how they clean up (thank you, Austin). Others wrote in to say that they completely agree with me, as do their wives, about how more people need to take pride in their appearances - both men and women.

Now once again, I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t gifted with the most stylish of upbringings. Topeka, Kans. It’s not exactly a fashion Mecca and growing up surrounded by “Who Farted?” hats by no means grants me the ability to pass judgement…but I’m gonna.

“The problem in Key West is the guys who dress like a bum get the babes!! It's the womens fault!! Guys will do whatever you guys require. We are trained seals!!” wrote Dr. Bruce.

Well I hope there are plenty of seals reading this column because we (the ladies) are ready to teach.

I’ve been conducting extensive research with self-proclaimed group of Women Who Whine about men (while drinking wine), and let’s face it, we have plenty of ammunition.

We are tenacious and loquacious ladies whose opinions are elevated with the presence of good cocktails and good company. The topic of your hygiene has been discussed at length and it must be said that we have nothing against hard working, blue-collar men who get dirty for a living. In fact, many prefer those who crunch steel over those who crunch numbers and are impressed by your strength and manliness. But there’s a time and place for everything, and we appreciate it when you shower your manliness off before wandering out into the world, that’s all.

Because truth be told, we’re not going to be accepting drinks or dancing with someone who looks like they’ll leave their mark on our clean clothes.

In other news, there are some men out there whose shoes stink so badly that they have to leave them outside to ensure getting a good nights sleep. If that is indeed the case, perhaps you could spring for a spare pair instead of hoping we don’t notice. If you can smell them, than we can smell them, despite your effort to seal in the stench. And for those of you in flip-flops . . . Please don’t abuse this privilege. If your feet look like you hijacked Barney Rubble’s car and propelled yourself cross-country, please don’t showcase your dirty stumps for our viewing pleasure. Consider the tub before you consider the club, alright?

Now touché m‘ladies! It’s time for me to address the other side of the coin. First of all, beauty sleep isn’t an old wives tale. It is in one’s best interest to crawl into bed early once and awhile ~ clean, moisturized and hydrated. Just because we live in a party town doesn’t mean you have to be at every party. Do us all a favor and stay out of the spot light long enough to recharge. There’s nothing wrong with being a woman who wines on occasion, as long as you’re a woman who waters often.

Earl, who has seen more chain smoking, tattooed, dehydrated young women than he would care to, wrote in to point out an interesting observation. “Some of these local girls, if you were to pinch their cheek and pull gently, instead of snapping back, the skin would stay there! I call them "hundred yard girls"…. They look good from about a hundred yards away.”

And I must add that for every young woman who looks older than her years, there are 10 older women dressing way younger than theirs. We can’t get away with bra tops forever ladies. What makes you think that another layer of fabric is going to hoist your chest up the way under wire and hooks do? It’s one step away from going braless which is way more flattening than flattering and not a good idea for grown ups.

All I’m saying is take another look in the mirror before you go out presenting yourself to the masses. Is what you’re wearing and how you look an accurate portrayal of who you want to represent? Would you be doing yourself a favor by swapping shirts or plucking a unibrow before hitting the town? Should you be a good friend when you see that a faux pas is being committed? Of course. It is up to us to right the many wrongs that wander amongst us daily.

Keep it classy Key West, and start by keeping it covered. I for one am a little sick of running into the midriffs of the middle aged. If the T shirt you are wearing is where your kid goes to college, you have no business tying it in a knot and showing off your stretch marks.

I’m sorry but Fantasy Fest is in October people, plan accordingly.

And for the record, T shirts that say things such as: “60 percent of the time it works all of the time,” are not appreciated by us ladies and cause your stock to drop tremendously. Wearing shirts that say stuff, means you don’t have to say a word . . . You’ve already been pegged.