The Greenest grass is usually right under your . . .ass

By Traci Rork
Miss Informed

(4.30.09)

Whether it be about where to live, what to drive or who to spend your life with, we all make choices and change our minds about them over and over again until we die.

Everyone struggles with decisions daily, allowing us numerous opportunities to over-analyze what we want and question our many options. We consider how others may be affected by what we say or do. We take forever trying to decide on something and then we spend forever doubting our decisions, big and small.

This, my friends, is the “Grass is Greener Complex“, and is not something to take lightly. It is a disease that can ruin the greatest of accomplishments and stain the most superb of situations. It is a creepy and sneaky doubt that takes over to make you question your conquests, even those as simple as what to order at a restaurant. The complex makes you compare yourself to others and ultimately admit that they have something you want for yourself.

This is also something I refer to as the Surf ‘N Turf Syndrome. You know how this goes, you order the steak but wish you had ordered the lobster. Or you choose the lobster but as soon as the waiter leaves you start craving the steak. The obvious choice, which is more expensive because it’s highly reliable, is the option that rewards you with meat from both the land and the sea.

Just like the most welcomed advice a woman can hear while shopping, “Which one should I get? This one, or this one…”

“Get them both!” Ahh, the sweet, selfish words we want to hear that guarantee satisfaction... Or do they?

Don’t be surprised that when your surf and turf arrives, you spot a wedge salad dripping with bleu cheese that appeals to your appetite way more than what‘s displayed in front of you. And sure enough, your two new dresses are definitely awesome, but not half as cute as these shoes that appear while you’re heading out the door. Coulda,, shoulda, woulda.

Sometimes it’s not even your conscious self who makes these decisions during times when your motor functions fail. There have been plenty of occasions where I’ve known exactly what I was going to order, told others at the table my intentions, and then suffered from Turrets Syndrome when the waiter arrives, blurting out something that’s the exact opposite of what I wanted. What the? Sometimes there are just too many choices and we crack under pressure, I guess.

So how do you ensure that you’re in control of what you want and get exactly that? When it comes to food, number one is a salad bar. It’s the perfect place for indecisive people who crave instant gratification, and don‘t we all? In Key West, besides Braza Lena’s colossal and pricey spread, the only other salad bar I know of is at Albertson’s . . .and it is fantastic. Several laps around, carefully selecting veggies soon to be smothered in Ranch, is so very rewarding and a winner every time. No communication needed, grab a plate, analyze and arrange your masterpiece.

Switching gears to the sweet side, there already exists a masterpiece of unparalleled proportions. Recently I’ve seen a commercial showing two very tempting Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and the words “Because no on one should have to choose between peanut butter and chocolate…” Well done . . .and oh so true . . . and never a decision that requires a second guess. Chocolate or peanut butter? Why pick one if two is twice the fun? The more the merrier right?

Although I wouldn’t recommend you apply those last few analogies when debating whom to date. (Unless, of course, all parties involved are actively aware of each others‘ involvement).

So if the grass in your hypothetical yard starts to lose its luster, it’s alright to be selfish. To look out for yourself. To go after what you want and most importantly - to get it. But it should be said that ideally, you can get what you want and avoid hurting others in the process. So alas, you see some greener grass??!!! Just be sure that you’ve sold the house before you go moving in down the street, you know what I mean?

And if your green grass complex arrises over not having the family, education, career or image that you want, take a second to count your blessings. The Rolling Stones said “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try some time, you just might find - you get what you need.”

Oh yes. . .Indeed. So focus on what you have and make an effort to make it better. Sometimes, we’re too busy thinking about the blessings that other roads could have bestowed upon us, that we pay little attention to what we already have in front of us.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: choose wisely what you cherish and love loyally what you choose, because he who has the most, has the most to lose.