Bicycle Bandit vs. the Women he Wronged

By Traci Rork
Miss Informed

10.15.09

How many of us islanders have had our bicycles snatched by some degenerate never to be seen again? I'm willing to wager plenty. But, how many of us have actually had the pleasure of running into a drunken loser as he's leisurely cruising around town on your bright pink beach cruiser? Not enough as sadly, they're usually gone for good. But not always, and boy do I have a story for you!

I've had a few bikes stolen and have spent years searching for them, in the hopes of coming face to face with the culprits who complicated my life. While I know that karma catches up with everyone sooner or later, I must say that I'm a big fan of sooner, and after a recent altercation with a bike thief, you'll surely understand why.

Not only does it get your blood pumping and your adrenaline rushing, but catching someone in the act of ripping you off also gives you super-hero confidence - which isn't always a good thing. But luckily in our case, we were able to mug that poor thug before he even knew what hit him!

A couple of weekends ago during the full moon, (which is when crazy shit always happens) my friend Courtney and I managed to rob a robber. That's right. This was not a premeditated act, nor one I would recommend in hindsight, but sometimes our carnal instincts can't be ignored once we've been wronged.

There was an army of bikes in front of my house Friday night as we made a brief pit stop between bars. We weren't planning on staying long, so none of the bikes were locked which is when bad things always happen.

Moments later we notice that Courtney's pink bike was missing from the pack. Cascading feelings of disbelief quickly turned to anger and despair, but we jumped in my car and took off to go catch a predator.

We made all the right turns at all the right times and lo and behold, we spotted the bicycle bandit swerving towards us in the darkness.

I honked the horn and from the safety of my car yelled that the cops are on the way and he should drop the bike and run. Courtney on the other hand, marched over to the idiot who was telling us that it was definitely his bike because his sunglasses were in the basket. Nice try wise guy.

Of course, not a single soul was nearby so it was two hell-raisers in heels against one wobbly drunk, but I've watched enough Court TV to know that hardly matters.

Luckily, he begrudgingly got off the bike and shamefully went on his way. He called us losers as Courtney proudly rode her bike back to my house with me driving slowly beside her in case he decided to bum rush her during our victory parade.

Thankfully we escaped unharmed, but it turns out we were not unarmed... At some point we had acquired an assault weapon that had apparently been left in the bike basket! So yeah, we now had a retractable baton like the one used to beat Nancy Kerrigan in our possession.

 I've never felt more accomplished, relieved, and validated than when we returned home with that bike in tow. Not to mention the exuberence of retelling our story to the girls and showing off our new night stick.

While my dad and brother got a kick out of this story, my mom on the other hand didn't feel that my vigilantism warranted a celebration and that I should not be so proud of flirting with danger. I told her that she should be relieved knowing that not only am I a self-sufficient woman and literally a go-getter, but that I've also got Courtney in my corner, and she's the Queen of Clubs.

Just another weekend in Key Weird - you can't make this shit up...

What's the big Idea? Hopefully you have at least a couple...

By Traci Rork
Miss Informed

9.24.09

On occasion, I have been known to conjure up a few great ideas. Haven't we all? I'm talking million dollar, sure to succeed, bona fide and brilliant ideas that get people legitimately excited. We've all thought up adaptations or alterations that can improve everyday life or the human race in general and then we proceed to call ourselves geniuses.

But let me ask you this. How many fantastic ideas have you immediately forgotten, ignored or just kept on the back burner only to find out that these awesome ideas have come to fruition after being pursued by someone else. What!? You should have made something happen because "That was my idea," or "I thought of that first," are both lame proclamations that showcase our lack of motivation.

As Buddha so accurately put it, "an idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea."

Now get moving! Everyone has great ideas, but only a few can pick the right ones to cling to, and follow through with them. It's hard to filter out the fantasy and decide which ideas are bright enough to believe in -- and that's only the first step. Next you have to get the ball rolling by doing your homework and devoting your time to the cause because let's face it, we're not getting any younger.

Either you've already uncovered your million dollar idea and locked it in the vault or you need to get cracking. In my experience, I've found that group brainstorming works best, and if accompanied by a cocktail, it's one of the most productive and rewarding ways to generate a great idea.

I will also suggest that you have a notebook handy because there's nothing worse than forgetting all that was discussed during one of your invention conventions. Just by jotting down your discussion, you've made your concept a little more concrete, which makes it that much easier to complete.

I'm pretty sure that I've overlooked countless column ideas and convinced myself that numerous jokes weren't funny, simply because a writing utensil wasn't within reach. It's a horrible shame because later when I can't remember what I was thinking about, I'm instantly convinced that I just lost the best idea I ever had.

Don't let this happen to you! Don't let the roots of an idea sprout and spread only to wind up dead from lack of attention. Cultivate your creativity and have faith enough to finish what you start. Don't let yourself or others deter you from following through, no matter how far-fetched your ideas may seem.

"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." according to the great Albert Einstein.

That being said, I should also mention that we are all responsible for conjuring up some not so bright ideas, which often are the ones we tend to strap ourselves to.

For every fantastic idea we're responsible for, there are about five or 10 bad ones that present themselves and unnecessarily confuse us. This is why I highly recommend group sessions or think tanks as I like to say, so you can get the necessary feedback from your smart friends who don't beat around the bush.

They'll tell you if your ideas are stupid and hopefully provide you with better ideas as you hone in on the details. Just be careful not to share these conversations with your most cunning and ambitious friends, or they could end up running with them and taking all the credit.

Speaking of credit, sometimes we are blessed with good ideas at bad times -- like when we're broke. The hardest part about getting your feet off the ground is that it generally requires time and money, both of which we're usually lacking.

But if you believe in something and are going to take credit for its success, I believe you should do anything in your power (and within the law) to make sure it doesn't fail.

Because what's worse than being a "has been"? Being a "has never." It's safe to say that now's the time to leave behind your legacy -- not sit on your behind. You have to keep trying things until they work and making your own magic or you're just simply wasting space.

I don't know who said the following but I'll gladly take credit because it sums everything up perfectly.

"You can't make footprints in the sand of time while sitting on your butt, and who wants to make butt prints in the sand of time?"

Not this girl, that's for sure.

To further inform Miss Informed, e-mail trork@ keysnews.com, and to catch up on previous ramblings, go to tracirork.blogspot.com.