Somebody needs a break from Spring Break

Miss Informed
By Traci Rork

(3.12.09)

So I’ve gone and done it again. I’m not saying that I’ve lost a round-trip airplane voucher to anywhere USAir flies……but I sure haven’t found it lately. And I’ve looked. There are still a few places I’ve left unturned where both hope and the vouchers may lay, but it‘s not looking good.

This voucher, which was stashed somewhere “safe” by yours truly in December, has to be used by May which is quickly approaching. And as for getting a replacement….I vividly remember the woman who gave them to me saying, “don’t lose these, we can’t get you new ones if you do.” Great.

I earned the voucher last May while en route back home to Kansas. A huge fan of airports but not the biggest fan of airplanes, I took a taxi from Ft. Lauderdale to West Palm in order to prolong flying while helping out the airline. Not the least bit inconvenienced and with plenty of time to spare, I traveled a little more on my day of travel and was given a voucher to travel more in the future….for free! Splendid.

But easy come, easy go I guess . . . . and I should know. Seems like things are always going. Especially when I take them out of a random spot where they’ve been maintaining their existence just fine and put them somewhere “safe”. I do that with money too, which is always a pleasure to find down the road but a hassle when you are in need of immediate funds. But right now I’m on a voyage for vouchers…

Especially now that Spring Break is in effect and there are oodles of idiots stumbling all over each other and beeping their mopeds through town. No offense college kids, I am a former idiot who put some miles on her flip-flops and watered Duval St. with her beer some five or six years ago. I came, I saw, I loved and I migrated. Now that I live here and have had a chance to get used to quiet summer nights and a scarce island town, I’m slightly annoyed right now and could use a weekend away. I say slightly annoyed because a hopping town means hopping business and business is alwasy good. I also say slightly because some of what you see going on in the streets of Key West during Spring Break is more entertaining than annoying and worth witnessing. Some, but definitely not all.

I understand the excitement that comes with being a college kid in a far away land with beaches, babes and beer ~ oh my. It can be a serious burden to stay slightly sober and just merely functioning is a constant struggle for many inside these mobile mobs. Keep in mind this is Kindergarten compared to Fantasy Fest ~ these aren‘t seasoned partying professionals, and they’re not locals. They‘re rookies and display it with naïve pride as they zigzag through town all day and into the night.

I’m willing to bet that statistically, this is the time of year when the most people get carried home - provided someone in the group knows where “home“ is located. I’ve seen guys draped over the handlebars of rental bikes seemingly unconscious. Girls getting pushed home in shopping carts (although this happens outside of spring break too, right Rachel?) And the ever popular head bobbing humiliation of being slung over someone’s shoulders like a sack of potatoes with heads dangling near rears. That seems to be the easiest and most tried method, and earns looks and laughs every time because we all know that most likely won’t end well. Yuck.

But I’d have to say that for the most part, the most entertaining drunks tend to be the ones still awake.

So we have an open container law …. which no one ever completely understands….especially the bums who get arrested for sipping beer while a gaggle of giggly girls swagger past with a three foot tall booze icey in a neon cup. But generally, if you put it in plastic you can march around town with your favorite adult beverage. Just the other day I saw this one guy on Duval who took it to the next level. He had a huge red gas container full of beer which he was chugging through the yellow nozzle while cars drove by and honked. Just another one of those things we witness mid-afternoon with a smile, shake our heads and say, “only on a Monday in Key West.”

Regardless of the entertainment value this island provides, every once and awhile it’s good to get away. . . So right now I will continue my voyage for vouchers and hope that I may have a break from spring break in my future. Perhaps I should consider changing the title of my column to Miss Placed. . . . .And while we’re at it, I think I should crown a new Miss Taken as Mandy Bolen, my predecessor and fabulous reporter/columnist, is now engaged!! Congrats Mandy - don’t lose that one…and don’t let me get a hold of your ring!